Site Columns

By Carolina
October 31, 2005 - 4:58 PM

Hello World!

It occurred to me last night, as I was talking to a friend, that children these days are missing out on all the best experiences. Halloween, for example. It's such a big safety issue these days. Please. No one ever gave me a lecture about taking candy from strangers when I was a kid. We used to get thrown in the most dangerous neighborhoods so we'd trick-or-treat by ourselves. We used to take unwrapped candy from strangers all the time! Candy corn, homemade stuff, that huge orange marshmallow shaped like a peanut, remember those? There was always one lady giving out pennies, which would get stuck to all the unwrapped candy but you'd eat it anyway cause you never knew when you'd be able to eat candy again. Chocolate coins were never totally wrapped. There was always one section of the wrap that was missing. Did we care? Hell no, it's candy! The only thing I was ever told about the dangers of loose candy was, "Caro, no one is going to waste their sweet heroin injecting it into candy just for kicks and giggles." It's true! Like heroin addicts were gonna give their heroin away.

My mother never paid money for a Halloween costume. Never. Every year I dressed up like a ballerina. The year I stopped taking ballet classes and picked up volleyball she dressed me as a volleyball player. My brother was always a baseball player. One year I wanted to dress up like a clown, so she just took her red lipstick, gave me big lips, a red nose, and I was a clown dressed up like a ballerina. Genius in its cheap simplicity!

This one time my friend got to dress up as Superman and he nearly asphyxiated, cause those costumes consisted of a huge plastic bag covering your face, with tiny holes that were always clogged (with melted pieces of plastic) so you could "breathe." That cheap string around the back, remember? It would always snap five minutes into trick-or-treating and hit you in the eye, then you'd have to figure out a way to make a knot so you could wear the mask again (because without Superman's face the rest of the costume made no sense). No pumpkin baskets, we'd just use supermarket bags. And try walking through these shady neighborhoods wearing ballet shoes. There were broken bottles and trash everywhere, I always came home with a cut. Going trick-or-treating was a lot like this huge expedition through he jungle where you fight for survival and your main goal is just one: candy. One kid (the fat one) always stayed behind but you pushed on! We gotta keep going! The other tribes are gonna get all the good candy! And you always, always, got chased by a dog. That never failed. You know what, though, it was awesome. I miss that!

Not today, man. Today you see parents holding their kids hands, making sure they don't fall and trip and hurt themselves. They have the most elaborate and expensive costumes that they think they're entitled to own or else they throw a huge tantrum. These kids are so spoiled and sheltered! God forbid that little sparkly princess Madison/McKena/McKenzie/Sierra/Savannah/Kaylee/Baylee/Insert-Horrible-Name-Here gets a little boo boo on her knee, that would be the end of the world!

I heard now they want to make it so children under 8 years old or 80 pounds have to ride in a car seat. What?! 8 years old, are you kidding me? I don't ever remember sitting on a car seat, ever. I never used a booster seat, either. I was brought home from the hospital in a basket on my mother's lap, no seat belt. You know that arm rest between front seats? I used to sit there all the time, and when I wasn't sitting there I used to just lie on top of the back seat, you know, nestled up against the light that comes on when you hit the breaks? That was my sweet spot. Whenever my dad hit the breaks I'd come rolling down and hurt myself and we'd all have a big laugh. Jesus, try doing that today. You'd have social services knocking on your door in 5 seconds. Where's the fun in being a kid today? There's NO fun. When was the last time you saw kids playing hide and seek? Nobody plays any more.

You know, as I was writing that I wondered: what if you're an adult but you weigh 79 pounds? What about little people, do they have to ride in car seats, too? With those stuffed Sesame Street characters hanging off so they can play. I really wonder this. Anyway, Happy Halloween, everyone!

Talk CSI Files threads

Below are some of the topics currently being discussed at Talk CSI:

- In the General CSI Discussion forum faceoff wonders, is CSI too fairy tale-ish? Give us your opinion.

- If you were a casting agent, who would you cast on CSI: New York? Discuss it in the CSI: New York forum.

- And in the Forensic Science forum, folks are talking about the dreaded Bird Flu Virus and how it can be cured by resurrecting dead DNA.

More topics can be found at the Talk CSI!

CSI Files Two Years Ago

Here's what was hot back in November of 2003:

Combs Hits Jackpot as Sterling
Actor Jeffrey Combs, who had a recurring role in the series Star Trek: Enterprise, was cast as Dr. Dale Sterling in the CSI episode "Jackpot." He described the episode as, "Grissom travels to a small Nevada town to investigate, what else, a murder."
'Hurricane Anthony' Overwhelms Overnights
The relevant Miami episode "Hurricane Anthony" earned a 15.3 rating/22 share, giving the show its highest rated episode of season 2 to date.
Hall: Disabled Characters Deserve Wider Palette
Robert David Hall (Dr. Al Robbins) wished Hollywood would concentrate on real roles for disabled actors instead of the same stereotypes seen on TV. "A disabled person in a TV show was somebody who had a problem that the hero of the show had to help solve," Hall explained. "I don't say this with any bitterness, but within our group we refer to them as 'bitter cripple roles.'"

For more interesting stories from that week, check out our news archives.

Poll Results

Below are the results of the most recent CSI Files poll:

How would you rate the 'CSI: New York' episode 'Dancing With The Fishes?'
9-10	42.4% - (121 Votes)
Didn't want to see it.	20.7% - (59 Votes)
Wasn't able to see it.	15.4% - (44 Votes)
7-8	14.3% - (41 Votes)
1-2	3.1% - (9 Votes)
5-6	2.8% - (8 Votes)
3-4	1% - (3 Votes)
Total Votes: 285

,Thanks to everyone who voted! For Halloween, which CSI would you like to dress as?,

This Week On TV

Tonight at 10:00pm, CBS will show a rerun of the CSI: Miami Halloween themed episode "Hell night." Here's spooky scoop on it:
"The wife of a famous Miami baseball player is brutally killed in her home and her philandering husband is charged with the crime. The jury on the case, as well as the accused and his defense, visits the house to examine the crime scene, but when the lights are dimmed, as they were when the victim was killed, and then turned back on, the ball player is found dead with a meat clever in his back and a note that says "guilty." Now, as Horatio and the team find that the husband's defense team tampered with the crime scene, they must examine the evidence to find the couple's killers."
CSI: New York's newest episode, "YoungBlood," airs on Wednesday night at 10 p.m. CBS describes the episode as follows:
"After a wealthy middle-aged man is shot at close range in an elevator just outside of his penthouse apartment, Mac and Det. Flack realize that a companion may have witnessed the murder. Their investigation leads Danny and Lindsay into the world of underage high school girls who disguise their age and revel in the Manhattan social scene in order to meet wealthy men. Meanwhile, Stella and Dr. Hawkes investigate the death of a seemingly well-off young man found in a Central Park lake who seems to have two identities."
Lastly, on Thursday at 9:00pm, the new CSI "Secrets & Flies" is set to air. This is what you can expect from it:
"The CSI team uncovers evidence in the investigation of a young mother's suicide that proves that the woman's newborn baby was not her biological child -- in fact, she was still technically a virgin at the time of her death. If the team discovers how the child was conceived, the answer may lead them to a killer. Meanwhile, Grissom is called into court to refute expert witness testimony from a suspected manipulator of evidence."