Site Columns

By Carolina
September 19, 2005 - 9:34 PM

Hello World!

So I'm not really a fan of award shows. I don't hate them, I just don't care. But because CBS pre-empted my beloved Cold Case to show the Emmys, and because I really like Ellen DeGeneres, I thought, "what the hell."

Wow.

I have no words to describe how awful the ceremony was. Awful, just awful. Every single joke fell flat. The whole thing felt... not even improvised, okay? I felt as if 1,000 monkeys were typing everything backstage as the show went on. I felt so utterly embarrassed for all these presenters at one point I had to change the channel. What was wrong with Ellen? She said in some interview she'd been rehearsing for a while now, so I don't get it. She totally bombed. Everyone bombed. Also, she's a comedienne, why couldn't she take all these terrible jokes and rewrite them?

The only funny moments were Jon Stewart telling the government to @^# off, Conan O'Brien entering Emmy Idol with the theme to Charles In Charge, and the characters of Family Guy predicting the winners. Everything else was completely embarrassing and terribly written.

Emmy Idol? Worst. Idea. Ever. Ever! And those of you who are surprised Gary Dourdan lost to Donald Trump, it's Donald Trump, guys. You know if it'd been Martha Stewart humming the theme of The Smurfs she would've won, too. Not that it matters, anyway, because the only thing more embarrassing than participating in Emmy Idol is winning Emmy Idol. So good for you, Gary, and please, next time they ask you to do this, please just run. Run and never look back.

Biggest WTF of the night: well, we have a tie. First, Patricia Arquette winning Best Lead Actress in a Drama Series. Dude, are you serious? Are you really, really serious? I mean, yeah, her performance in Medium is okay, but not Emmy okay. Not "I beat Glenn Close" okay. And what was up with her hair, anyway? It looked like it was done by E.T.

Second WTF: Everybody Loves Raymond winning Best Comedy. I'm speechless. I'm without speech. While I'm glad Desperate Housewives lost, I was really hoping Arrested Development would win, because there's no way in hell Raymond beats The Bateman. I'm still glad AD won Best Writing. It's funny, cause it took like 284,592,576 people to write the final episode of Raymond, and yet the winning episode of Arrested Development was only written by one person. Just one? Yes, they have talent. Not that I'm bitter or anything. Whatever. Watch Arrested Development. Monday nights at 8 on Fox.

Best shot of the night: Jon Stewart reacting to the opening of the show. His face pretty much mirrored mine. The horror. The horror. Whoever re-wrote "September" with those terrible lyrics should never be allowed near pen and paper again. Marg Helgenberger sure looked like she was having a good time, though. She was practically using one of the singers as a pole.

Nice surprises: Felicity Huffman winning Best Actress. I absolutely despise Desperate Housewives and consider the most overrated hour of television, but I've been a fan of Huffman's since her Sports Night days. So great for her! I'm surprised, however, that Allison Janney wasn't even nominated. Isn't her annual nomination in the Constitution now? I was prepared for them to call out her name, even though she wasn't nominated.

I was... okay, with Lost winning Best Drama. Not pissed or happy, just okay. I watch the show but I'm not a huge fan, and considering J.J. Abrahms track record, it's good for the show to win now before it becomes crappy, which should be, when? Wednesday?

All in all, I deeply regret watching the Emmys and I hereby demand CBS to give me those three hours of my life back. Failing that, I would like a chicken that lays golden eggs.

Talk CSI Files threads

Below are some of the topics currently being discussed at Talk CSI:

- Eddie Cahill will be chatting with us on Wednesday night, so make sure you submit your questions to the CSI: New York forum if you can't make it to the event.

- Talk about last night's Emmy ceremony, whether it was entertaining or not, at the General TV & Media forum.

- And at the CSI forum EcitonBurchelli would like to know: who is the most underused character of CSI?

More topics can be found at the Talk CSI!

CSI Files Two Years Ago

Here's what was happening back in early September of 2003:

Tabloid Jumps On Grissom/Sara Bandwagon
The tabloid National Examiner analyzed the Grissom/Sara relationship. "One group believes workaholic Grissom is so emotionally stunted that he could never have an affair and that's the way he should be played. It's unrealistic to believe that when two people flirt so much it won't lead to an affair." However, the actors of the show admitted the relationship will remain the way it is.
Emmy Elects 'West Wing' Over 'CSI'
Lost was the big winner last night at the Emmys, but two years ago it was The West Wing who took home the coveted statuette. CSI and Marg Helgenberger (Catherine Willows) were also nominated, however, Helgenberger lost to The Sopranos's Edie Falco.
'CSI: Miami' Starts Season On Top
Miami's second season started out strong, with an 11.8 rating/18 share. In "Blood Brother," Horatio struggles to put a man with diplomatic immunity behind bars. The show would continue to gradually get stronger through the season.

For more interesting stories from that week, check out our news archives.

Poll Results

Below are the results of the most recent CSI Files poll:

What are your plans for this last week of reruns?
Watch reruns.	34.4% - (297 Votes)
Wait, but not so patiently.	21.7% - (187 Votes)
Throw a 'Welcome Back, CSI' party!	12.7% - (110 Votes)
Stock up my entertainment center with blank tapes.	12.3% - (106 Votes)
Spend some time with the family, Lord knows I probably won't see them again until after May sweeps.	7.7% - (67 Votes)
Wait patiently.	5.5% - (48 Votes)
Hang out at the message boards -- time goes faster in there.	5.3% - (46 Votes)
Total Votes: 861

,Thanks to all of those who voted! Make sure you come back tonight after the premiere of Miami to let us know how you liked the episode,

Happy Birthday!

On September 21st, Jerry Bruckheimer will turn 55 years young. Happy birthday from everyone at CSI Files!

Television Listings

Tonight at 10:00pm, CBS will be repeating CSI: Miami's season finale episode "From The Grave." Here's how the show plans to start the season:
"Horatio takes confession with a New York City Cardinal who is one of only a few people who know of the deadly crime he committed in his past. Meanwhile, Miami's fiercest gang seeks revenge on a rival gang member and opens fire at his mother's funeral. When the gang discovers that Horatio plans to find them and destroy their illegal smuggling operation, they put out a hit on Horatio. Also, Natalia Boa Vista (La Rue), a new CSI lab technician, creates conflict with a different government agenda from that of the team."
CSI: New York will be pre-empted on Wednesday night for the season finale of CSI "Grave Danger." New York will be back on September 28th. CBS describes �Grave Danger� as follows:
"After learning that a member of their team has been kidnapped and buried alive, the two CSI teams come together to try to save one of their own."
Finally, on Thursday at 9:00pm, CSI premieres with the episode "Bodies In Motion." This is what you can expect from the it:
"Grissom and Catherine lead the team as they tackle three separate investigations: a murdered couple found in bed in a suspicious trailer explosion; a beautiful stripper discovered dead and dumped in the worst part of town; and two bodies found baked and decomposed after spending five days in the trunk of a car exposed to the hot Vegas sun, forcing the CSIs to "wrap" up the evidence and bring it back to the lab for further analysis."