Site Columns

By Carolina
April 17, 2006 - 8:50 PM

Hello World!

I did something recently I hadn't done in a while. I sat down and watched an entire episode of Law and Order: Sports Utility Vehicle.

It's gotten so random lately. I feel slightly confused watching it. It always starts with a crime, a sex crime (those are special. Murders? No, they're not special), 10 points if there's a child involved. The detectives start investigating, and then one of them will take it personally (10 points if it's Olivia). The episode then deviates into a long segment about why said detective is taking it personally. The detective will then lash out at another detective right in the middle of the precinct. Their boss will come in and go, "okay, that's enough, guys!" and separate them. Then it turns out the sex crime is related to some sort of other crime, which may or may not be related to the detective's personal life. The detective, turns out, has issues with his family/mortality/sexuality/biological clock and that clouds their judgement. The detective is taken off the case. Kermit the Frog makes an appearance, but it has nothing to do with anything. The perp is caught anyway, but not this perp, the other perp. The DA chick will come in, saying there's nothing they can do. Even though the guy who raped the little girl was caught with his hands down her panties, his semen is all over her body, and he confessed to the crime, they don't have enough evidence. Also, the judge is a bitter son-of-a-bitch pedophile sympathizer and the DA is incompetent. In a special Emmy 'For Your Consideration' bit, however, avenger detective confronts and bonds with the little girl, convincing her to testify for the original crime, or the second crime... or, there might be another victim out there. It doesn't matter. Or, it does, but you can't remember why. They win, but detective is now questioning his role in the grand scheme of things. The episod ends, but you don't even remember what the original crime was, anyway, or why that annoying little girl keeps crying.

Anyway. Drunken photography can be fun.

Talk CSI Files threads

Below are some of the topics currently being discussed at Talk CSI:

- In the General CSI Discussion forum, poster CSIFan25 wants to know: does CSI scare you?

- Discuss Hill Harper's new book Letters to a Young Brother in the CSI: New York forum.

- List all your most priceless S6 moments from CSI in the CSI: General Discussion forum.

More topics can be found at the Talk CSI!

CSI Files Two Years Ago

Here's what was hot in the fandom two years ago.

Viacom Posts Record Profits During First Quarter 2004
Viacom Inc. - the parent company of Paramount Pictures, CBS and UPN, numerous cable and radio stations, Blockbuster Video, Simon and Schuster and other subsidiary companies - reported record profits during the first fiscal quarter of 2004.
Reviewers Mixed On 'Dark Motives'
While critics unanimously agreed Dark Motives surpasses the first CSI game, the reviews for the game were still mixed.
NYC Gets Its First Taste Of 'CSI'
CSI: New York finally began shooting its first episode two years ago. "We're going to mix New York's wealth of culture with the CSI concept," said Melina Kanakaredes (Stella Bonasera)

For more interesting stories from that week, check out our news archives.

Poll Results

Below are the results of the most recent CSI Files poll:

How would you rate the 'CSI' episode 'Poppin' Tags?'
9-10	55.9% - (150 Votes)
7-8	20.8% - (56 Votes)
5-6	7.8% - (21 Votes)
Wasn't able to see it.	5.2% - (14 Votes)
3-4	4.1% - (11 Votes)
Didn't wanna see it.	3.3% - (9 Votes)
1-2	2.6% - (7 Votes)
Total Votes: 268

,Thanks to everyone who voted! For our next poll, who do you think is the Miami mole?,

Happy Birthday!

David Black (executive producer, CSI: Miami) celebrates his birthday on April 21st, while New York star Melina Kanakaredes (Stella Bonasera) is 39 on April 23rd. Happy birthday to both from everyone at CSI Files!

This Week On TV

Tonight at 10:00pm, CSI: Miami's season 3 episode "Crime Wave" will air on CBS. Here's how the network described it:
"A huge tsunami is heading directly towards Miami and the 10-hour warning gives citizens just enough time to evacuate inland. In the chaos, two people are killed in a parking lot and the evidence leads Horatio to discover a plot to rob a bank timed to take advantage of the evacuation. However, as the CSIs close in on the robbery already in progress, they find that it's a more elaborate crime than they previously thought. Meanwhile, in the wake of the storm, Ryan and Alexx discover a body washed up from a local cemetery that may have a different cause of death than originally recorded."
On Wednesday night at 10pm, CBS will air the new CSI: New York episode "Run Silent, Run Deep." Here's a brief synopsis:
"After being unable to jail the leader of the Tanglewood Boys a year before, Mac makes it his mission to succeed this time, but he's shocked when the evidence puts Danny at the crime scene instead. Meanwhile, when a banker is found dead in a hotel room, the team questions the man who runs a high-priced escort service claiming to offer their clientele the ultimate date experience at a very steep cost. Also, as Stella and Frankie's relationship progresses, she is surprised to receive a special sculpture from him."
CSI also goes back a season on Thursday night at 9pm with the episode "Weeping Willows." Here's how the network described it:
"After a tough day on the job, Catherine heads to a bar to unwind and has a brief romantic encounter with a stranger, Adam Novak. When a woman from the same bar turns up dead later that night, evidence points to Novak as the lead suspect in the murder investigation. Friction arises between Grissom and Catherine when she fails to disclose her knowledge of the suspect. Meanwhile, Mia deals with cross contamination of evidence in the DNA lab."